I am a Matured Romantic

When did crushes stop being loud? I am going to confess. Well, I think half the population that I talk to already knows about this but it has come to the point where my blog needs to become involved in this situation. So there might be a guy, before you jump to the conclusion of “so you like someone” I don’t. I just like his vibe (think Chad Micheal Murray in One Tree Hill but with a mixture of a performative Jess Mariano) and we kind of have a vibe going as well. The thing is we keep glancing at each other during class and ever so often we have a very long staring eye contest (meaning we stare at each other) and it is so obvious that we have both acknowledged the fact that we are doing whatever you guys want to call this..eye tag? 

But I swear it is killing me because none of us have been bold enough to actually go up to each other. The closest thing to contact we’ve had was the time he wasn’t wearing his glasses and I was feeling pretty bold so I mouthed to him from across the room. Hey where are your glasses? And he fortunately responded with I left them at home cue smile cue me grinning and then rolling my eyes. 

But that’s it. 

Nothing.

Else. 

One of my friends brought up the topic of crushes and how recently he’s noticed that the way we talk about people we like has changed, how we’ve started to deal with them with maturity. Let me just say. I agree. I am a romantic till the day I die, but now I am a matured romantic, at least I hope. 

-Obsession -

Back in 5th grade I was one of those girls who would write love songs all night long while day dreaming about them and even worse I was one of those girls that wrote love notes on sticky notes and found a way to slip in their locker. Now instead, I secretly do all those things! Just kidding, I definitely like to observe more now instead of jumping right into the love boat. Meaning, I try my best to not get so caught up on him that I either lose myself or waste my time planning out conversations that I know won’t happen because I can’t even get myself to say HI to him! 

-Personality overcomes the looks - 

Another thing I would say is that it really isn’t just about looks anymore. Yeah, I might find this guy attractive but I know that if I get to know him and he actually has shit for a personality then there's no way I could keep liking him. When I was younger, liking someone felt like picking the prettiest flower from the field and now it’s like choosing who you want your secrets to be held with. I keep talking about myself but does anyone else want to find someone that they can have endless conversations with? But not only fun, silly, lighthearted conversations. I want those deep conversations where we just talk about our life and our conspiracy theories of the world. That’s why a personality matters to me, I don’t care if we don’t like the same bands or read the same books as long as you are still interesting because honestly opposites attract! 

I have accepted that I have a type and an ideal man, what are you gonna do about it?-

Once again, talking about my 5th grade self and I guess some of my 8th grade self. But back then I can openly admit that I was desperate to either be with someone or like someone or like the idea of liking someone or like someone for the person I fantasize about, not who they actually were. We have all been there…right? Now, I sort of have an idea of people I look for and the type of people I avoid. Hence trying to get to know them first. ‘Cause I don’t ever want to jump into a relationship without fully understanding who they are and how they act. I know I like people who read, who are somewhat up to date with the world, and have their own opinions. What I like to stay away from is the people who will manipulate me in less than 2 seconds, people who show off because they want attention, and people who have no respect for themselves nor other people! I guess you could say that now we don’t just fantasize about the cute romantic parts but think clearer about how this person will/can affect our life completely. 

Although it’s felt like forever since I have said this, I wish I could stop focusing on myself and my bazillion tasks and take a second to get to know someone romantically and intellectually...someone meaning eye-tag guy. But whatever I do guys, DON’T let me become that weird obsessive girl. I just want the right balance between friendships, myself, and that other person.

Okay I have to go to FOOTLOOSE Rehearsal. I love you all. May the right person come your way. Even if it starts with a slowburn. Don’t we all love a good slowburn, maybe that’s what crushes become as we grow up. Less loud, more quiet… and a lot harder to avoid. 

Bye Bye

XoXo, Maria E.V